Terra's Reflections
by Aishiteru Sabaku no Gaara
Summary: Terra reflects on his past and tells his side of what happened, leading up to his final fight with Xehanort. Implied yaoi. Ven/Terra


**A/N: All right, so I planned on only doing a Ven Reflections, but I ended up doing a Terra on, by request from Bananahsplit. Thanks for giving me an idea to roll with! Hope this one is as enjoyable as Ven's!**

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**Reflections**

_~Everything Terra's done since now, has led up to this~_

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When he first showed up at the Land of Departure, I knew he was special. It took a lot to coax the talkative side out of him, but it was worth it. I hung on every word he said. He was a strong boy. He was a great person. He still is. I remember loving him without a second thought. Of course, with love came possessiveness, too. I wanted to protect him. I realized I _needed_ to protect him. He was my heart and my soul and I couldn't bare for anything to happen to him. It's why I strove to get stronger. Every test, every trial... I did it all for him. And this was before we even became lovers.

Ven was my world.

Even though we had a rough start, I knew this boy was destined to be something good. I felt horrible for causing him to collapse when we first met. I felt even worse when I found that he was in a coma and wouldn't wake up for a few days. When he did, though... it was as if nothing ever happened. It seemed that he didn't even remember what happened to him. What I did to him to make him that way.

Aqua and myself had the same dream of becoming a Keyblade Master like Eraqus. When we found out that Ven was the same, I gave him my wooden weapon. We were the same. We shared the same dream. We all wanted to be something great. From that day on, Ven and I... We were really close. We were always spending time together. Ven and I spent more time together than we did with Aqua. I knew he liked me. I'm not stupid. I was the first to admit to him how I felt, however. I could tell he was relieved by my saying that, and I was relieved that he felt the same.

We started seeing each other and training together more often while Aqua was off studying. She always had her nose in a book. It was always Ven and me that had to snatch her away from the library. Aqua and I, being a few years older than Ven, had the Mark of Mastery coming up. She always stuffed her nose in a book with occasional sparring, but I was the opposite. I preferred sparring. How could you pass the test involving physical abilities if you only had your nose in a book? I didn't get it...

That night on the Summit, we had our final training session together. Aqua gave us a charm and I clung to it as our token of friendship. It was a constant reminder for me about how I needed to grow stronger to protect my friends. I would become a Master and I would protect them with all I had. I would stop at nothing to make sure I protected them.

At the Mark of Mastery exam... I lost control. I got too competitive with Aqua and the darkness surfaced, temporarily distracting me from my goal. I disappointed myself when Eraqus told me that the only one to pass was Aqua. He told me I didn't properly control the darkness within my heart. I didn't even realize I had darkness in my heart. Did it spring from competitive nature? Was it something else? I didn't understand, but Master Eraqus failed me. I was devastated. How could I fail? Why did I fail! Everyone has darkness in their hearts! Eraqus even said so! So then why am I any different? Why did Aqua pass and I fail?

As I pondered it more, I couldn't help but criticize myself at my failure. I needed to get stronger so I could become a Keyblade Master. I needed to be able to protect everyone. I needed more power. And that's when I realized I needed to get stronger. I knew I was strong, but I wasn't strong _enough_. Am I not strong enough to keep darkness out of my heart? Are only the purest hearts allowed to become Masters? If so, then that wasn't fair. I'm sure Eraqus had done things he wasn't happy about in his younger days. I'm positive that he wasn't perfect! So then... why was he a Master and I wasn't?

It was then that Master Xehanort approached me and told me that I needed to learn how to _channel_ my darkness. If I could channel my darkness, I could become a Keyblade Master? At Master Xehanort's words, I started to think of new ways to channel my darkness, instead of trying to get rid of it. Eraqus suggested I get rid of it. But if I could somehow channel it and use it to my advantage, I would be stronger than Eraqus. When he fought with light, I could channel the darkness to counter it. I could be the strongest Keyblade Master there ever was! Then maybe Ven and Aqua would be forever safe.

With resolve, I headed to the place at which I was summoned. Eraqus would give me another chance if I could keep the Princesses of Heart safe from having their hearts stolen. This was my chance! I could finally become a Master! With determination renewed, I prepared to leave to start my mission. However, Ven called out to me. I knew he was scared I was leaving, but he needed to know that I needed to. And I definitely would be back. That much was certain. I wouldn't ever leave Ven. I would always come back for him.

As soon as I set out, I was brought to Princess Aurora and met a woman named Maleficent. She tricked me into stealing Aurora's heart and bringing it to her. That was the first mistake I made on my mission. Everything else started to decline from there. Maybe it was that I was far too trusting of everyone. Maybe it was that I gave them the benefit of the doubt all the time without regard into them being horrible people. I don't know why I do that. I refuse to acknowledge darkness. Maybe that was my downfall.

Along the way, I always managed to mess up more than I managed to help. I think the only accomplishment I made was protecting Cinderella. Of course... that was where I first learned of _him_. The one to cause so much trouble to us all. The one that would ultimately harm my Ventus. A boy wearing a mask who controlled the Unversed. The boy that had negativity at his control. The boy that I needed to defeat so Ven would be kept safe. _Vanitas_.

Cinderella's castle was also where I found out that Ven had left home as well. That dumb blonde. He was going to get himself killed. Then I thought back to him trying to tell me something before he left. What was he trying to tell me? Was it not what I originally thought? Was it really something important that I just pushed aside? I sank deeper into my thoughts and felt something... odd within my chest. Was this the darkness Xehanort was speaking of?

Deciding I needed help with where to go next, I headed for Yen Sid's tower. If anyone would know about the Unversed and my next course of action, it was Yen Sid. The old sorcerer was holed up in his tower and never left. Crazy smart old man. What he had to tell me helped me come to my senses. Xehanort was up to something. I just needed to find out what. Yen Sid only offered a riddle. All he told me was that I should think of Xehanort's actions and the masked boy with the Unversed control as one and the same.

Why would I do that? Xehanort was trying to help me channel my darkness, so why would I think of him as an enemy? And if I thought of Xehanort as an ally, then would I deem the masked boy an ally, too? I wish he would have offered more guidance than that. In any case, I continued on to where Master Xehanort was calling me. The Keyblade Graveyard. This is the first time I've been here and it certainly should have been the last. It was there that I got the whole story about Ven. How his heart was injured and that Vanitas was a manifestation of Ven's darkness.

So Ven had a dark heart, too... Why wasn't Eraqus hounding him about it? Because his heart was damaged? Because it was broken? If Ven pushed himself too hard... would that result in something horrible? Would he fall into a coma again? I couldn't allow that to happen. Xehanort directed me to Radiant Gardens where Vanitas was sure to strike next. I went without fuss. I needed to rid the world of this darkness extracted from Ven's heart. I couldn't allow Vanitas to harm Ven. What if Ven had already come into contact with him? He wasn't strong enough yet to take on Vanitas. He needed his heart to recover first.

When I arrived, I followed the Unversed easily until I ran into Ven and Aqua. We fought the giant monster together, but afterwards, we had a talk. My worst fears were realized when Ven said he ran into Vanitas. It was a miracle he was still alive to talk about it, from what Xehanort said about him. I told him to go home, but I knew he wouldn't listen to me. He never did. It was always Aqua that he listened to. I don't understand why he didn't listen to his lover. Then I found out how Aqua really thought of me. She accused me of trying to embrace the darkness, rather than eradicate it. That wasn't... completely wrong. Master Xehanort insisted I embrace it to become stronger. If I eradicated it, I would still be weak. I wouldn't have the strength and abilities to be able to help Ven and protect him.

Aqua continued and let it slip that she had been sent to keep an eye on me by Master Eraqus, thus ending my trust of her. She had been following me to spy on me? What kind of friend does that? If she were really my friend, then why would she spy on me? Why would she be sent to keep an eye on me in the first place? I was doing fine on my own. Mostly. I had been deceived, but I was doing fine now. There was no need for her to follow me around like a parent and a child to watch over me to make sure I was being a good little boy. If she was any sort of friend, she'd be watching out for Ven while I was gone. But instead, she was made to watch me. As if _I'm_ the one that needs watching. She really did let this Master title go to her head.

I was harsher to Ven than I intended to be, but I needed him to go home and not to follow me. He would only be in danger if he followed me. As I walk away from them and start to make my way out of Radiant Gardens, I run into a different person who has Master Xehanort captive. Of course... I had to defeat him to save the Master, who seems to be the only one I can trust now. Well, besides Ven, but how am I supposed to know if he was helping Aqua or not? I don't want to believe he was helping her. Ven wouldn't betray me like that.

After I defeat Braig, I realized I lost control over my darkness again. I messed the man up pretty bad, but I did manage to hold my own and save Master Xehanort. I wasn't too happy about it, but I managed. However, the Master told me that I did good and that I controlled the darkness instead of the other way around. I had trouble believing him because it certainly didn't feel like I controlled it. He calls me "Master" and encourages me to bring down Vanitas after I accept to become his pupil instead of Master Eraqus'. Xehanort told me that the reason I didn't pass Eraqus' exam was because he feared the darkness within me. I found that hard to believe, but Xehanort wouldn't lie to me. He was helping me more than Eraqus did.

And besides... Eraqus couldn't be trusted with the stunt he pulled with Aqua. As I prepare to leave for my next destination, Ven calls out to me again. This time... I linger for a while and that was when we had our first physical encounter. There weren't too many times after that that we had moments together, but that one was the first. I felt horrible for having to leave Ven in a hurry afterwards, but he said he understood. I let go of the guilt and put all my energy toward the new goal: bringing balance to the worlds of light and dark, and defeating Vanitas.

Little did I know that I would end up messing up more than I intended. And that's why I am in the Keyblade Graveyard. I found out that Master Xehanort was using me this whole time. I didn't want to kill Eraqus. Xehanort tricked me into doing so because he deemed him a threat. He knew Eraqus would try to kill Ven. He knew Ven was my one weakness. Eraqus was like a father to me. Ven was my lover. It was wrong that I had to choose between the two. But ultimately, I chose Ven. Ven was safe and Eraqus... my father is dead. And it's all because of me. I didn't deal the last blow, but if I had not fought him, Xehanort would not have been able to take him down so easily and deliver the fatal blow. It was all my fault. Everything was my fault.

As soon as I realized that I had killed him, it was already too late. The darkness had raged full force within me and there was no stopping it now. Xehanort had accomplished what he wanted to accomplish. He had gotten my heart the darkest it could get. I was no longer balanced. I was overcome by the darkness. As much as I refused to acknowledge it, how can I not acknowledge it now that it's reared its ugly head? It would be stupid to not acknowledge something so obvious. I had failed again. Why did I keep failing? Everything I do, everything I want to accomplish, I always end up failing. The darkness had won and I had failed at keeping it at bay.

Maybe Eraqus was right. Maybe I wasn't meant to be a Keyblade Master. If I had only listened to him and had patience, none of this would have happened. As I stand in the Keyblade Graveyard, I stare out over the canyon and remind myself what I need to do. Xehanort needs to die. And I need to be the one that kills him. He has caused far too much destruction in our lives and it needs to end.

I sigh heavily as I walk down the dirt path and see Aqua ahead of me. I don't want to have to face her after the disgrace I've brought our friendship. I've been so stupid. I've done some unforgivable things. Why are they even my friends? Why does Ven still love me? I stop ahead of Aqua and she closes the gap between us. I prepare myself for her words, knowing they won't be good. "I was told... the Master was struck down."

She might not have meant for them to come out as accusing, but... the guilt I had was overwhelming. "Yes... that's right..." There wasn't anything else I could say. I wouldn't act surprised since I was the one that assisted Xehanort in doing it. There was no need for me to lie to my friend. And before I knew it, I confessed that I helped him do it. I didn't like that Aqua was so shocked, but like I said, I wouldn't lie. I tried to explain to her why I did it so she wouldn't get the wrong idea. I told her that he tried to hurt Ven. "Xehanort set the whole thing up, all so he could awaken the darkness inside of me." I admitted that I needed to be watched, which was honest. I should have been watched. I needed to be. Maybe if I was watched, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe... Maybe I needed to be watched closer than anyone else.

As Aqua started talking, I knew she was disappointed in me. I was disappointed in me. She didn't believe me. I knew she wouldn't. But there was a small part of me that wished she did believe me. And as if the insults continued to fly, she asked how darkness and going astray again would honor our Master's memory. I didn't have an answer for that, but I didn't want to argue. And that was when Ven showed up. I was so relieved to see him. But he didn't look the same. He looked... upset. I wonder if he knew I helped Xehanort kill Master Eraqus. As he started to fill me in on what Xehanort wanted him to do, I felt a sadness engulf me. I didn't like the way he was talking. He was talking as if he wanted to die. As if... I should have let Eraqus take him down.

X-blade? Is that why Eraqus tried... Before I could stop myself, I rushed to his aid and tried to comfort him. Unfortunately... he wouldn't hear it. He insisted we put an end to him if something happens. I didn't want him to fight Vanitas. I didn't want him to talk about dying. "I'll always find a way," I told him. But he pushed me away. And he persisted. I didn't want to think about having to kill my best friend. I didn't want to think about killing the one I love more than anything.

Admittedly, I haven't been there for him like I should have. Admittedly, I wish I would have been around him more. However, I can't sit by and watch him throw his life away. I need him. He's my everything. And I can't, nor do I want, to think of what I'll do without him.

I didn't have long to linger on these thoughts as Xehanort and the masked boy, known as Vanitas, showed up to interrupt the party. The more that man spoke, the more I wanted to kill him. I couldn't help but think that he was the start of the great Keyblade war. Maybe he sparked the war that was so famed. I wouldn't be surprised. And he probably did it without even having to lift a finger. Just like he used his manipulation techniques on me to get my heart corrupted. I'm sick of hearing about the X-blade. I'm sick of hearing how Ven and Vanitas would have to join to get the X-blade. The final straw for me was when he pointed at Ven as if he were just an object, a stepping stone, an insignificant piece of dirt. My fists balled up on their own.

There were no words after that. I charged at Xehanort, only to be interrupted by a stone column. The next thing I knew, I was falling through the air, surrounded by keys, and a huge barrier surrounded me. Everything happened too fast for me to stop it and the next thing my mind registered was Xehanort holding Ven by the head and his body going stiff in his hold. "Ven!" I called out, but it was too late. I was tossed aside by the keyblades and falling from the cliff. I didn't even get a chance to catch my breath as the keyblades started tearing at my armor. The clouds separated above me to reveal a heart-shaped moon. A ray of light shone down on Xehanort at the top of the column.

As I tried to recover on the ground, I snatched my helmet off in frustration, still trying to catch my breath. I rode my glider up the column and dropped to the ground in front of Xehanort, vowing to take him out for harming Ven. I don't know what he did to him. I know it wasn't good. I was getting really pissed off at this whole situation and too damn frustrated to think straight. The more the man spoke about being right about the darkness in my heart, the more I wanted to tear him to shreds. Why me? Why not anyone else? Was it because I was easily manipulated? Was it because I cared too deeply about my friends to care what happened to me? What made _me_ so special!

"Tch. My friend... Ven... You tell me, Xehanort. What did you do to him!" I growled as I summoned my keyblade.

"Why... I did him a favor and freed the darkness inside him. Alas, poor Ventus never had the fortitude for such strenuous trials."

My blood boiled within my veins and before I knew it, I cried out the name I hated so much and dashed at him in a blind rage. As we fought, my blood boiled with rage, encouraging the darkness to show itself occasionally and take out its pent up aggression on the object of my hatred. He would pay for hurting Ven. He would pay for breaking us apart. He would pay for killing Eraqus and destroying our home! I hated him! I hated him more than anything! During the battle, he told Vanitas to go take what was his from Ventus. As I rushed after him to try to stop him and protect Ven, I was stopped by Xehanort. No! I can't let him harm Ven! I won't let him! First things first... This old man needs to die.

As the man continued to play on the darkness, I felt my anger getting the better of me. It swelled and surged through my chest and before I knew it, the darkness was pouring out of my body. "You'll pay, Xehanort. Was my master... no... my father Eraqus not enough for you? Leave my friends alone!" With more encouragement, the more he spoke about my darkness, I felt my rage boiling even more. This condescending bastard would die by my hand and my hand alone! I would not allow him to hurt another person! Especially not my friends!

Before I knew it, a whole explosion occurred, and it was all from my darkness. I never realized how much darkness I held within me until that moment. All I knew was that I would use this darkness to my full potential and slaughter the man before me. And defeat him I did.

He bowed before me, trying to catch his breath and regain his strength. Then... there was a rumble. I assumed it was Aqua fighting Vanitas or something, but then Xehanort's eyes lit up brightly and he seemed to swell with happiness. Oh no... what happened now? He tried to turn my attention to behind me, but at first, I wouldn't go. Then I felt something odd fill the air and I just had to look. Fear lined my eyes as I started to turn to see where the disturbance was coming from. What I saw was not comforting in the least.

A pinkish white light filled the air. A column of light. Ven? Ventus! I knew something bad had to have happened if that light was there. But... like I didn't want to acknowledge the darkness within my own heart, I didn't want to accept that there was something wrong with Ven down there. I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that I had failed at protecting him again. No, that can't be right. He wasn't... he couldn't be... Vanitas didn't win...

Did he?

And then as if things couldn't get any worse, Xehanort started to talk about the X-blade being formed after so long. The way the old man went on about it, I just knew that something went wrong. The way he went on about it confidently, I knew that Ven was... "The X-blade has been forged!" the old bastard said. That statement alone meant that my Ven was... dead. That one thought made rage boil inside me, yet sadness overflow inside my heart. I was confused. How could he die? What happened? Why didn't Aqua help him! Why couldn't _I_ help him?

"Ven!" I called out to him, knowing he couldn't hear me. That one ray of light signified the ending of my light, Ven. I didn't want to accept that. I didn't want to accept the fact that my best friend, no... my salvation, my hope, my very _world_ was gone. It just couldn't be. After all we've been through, this is how it ended? Why, Ven? Why? I bit back the urge to fall to my knees and just cry for the loss I felt within me. Now was not a time to be brought to my knees. But I just couldn't help wanting to give up on my own life. Now that Ven was gone, there was no reason for me to be around anymore. He would never be forgotten if I make it through this alive, but what was the point in just _remembering_ him when I could be right there _with_ him?

It was then that I found myself at a crossroads. A crossroads of life and death. Should I give up on life and let Xehanort take me? Or should I fight on and kill Xehanort, living on without Ven? I know Ven would want me to live on, but it would be far too hard to do so without him. I didn't want to. It wasn't worth it. I was barely snapped from my sadness by Xehanort's wretched voice. What I turned to see, however... was not something I was too proud of. Leaving the old man alone for too long definitely was a horrible mistake on my end. I watch as he unlocks his own heart, revealing to me that he was a part of the Keyblade War, or at least around to see it, just like I suspected. However, the realization of my being right wasn't worth its second of pride.

Before I made a choice on whether or not to fight or live on, Xehanort already made it for me. As his heart floats above him and higher into the sky, he talks of out with the old and in with the new. Fear struck through my spine as I realize what he meant by that. He was going to try to take over my body with his heart! Ven wouldn't be happy with me if I let that happen! Aqua would be alone if I even _entertained_ that thought! I couldn't do that to her! I already lost one friend; I couldn't leave the other behind. What would that do to her? That wasn't fair to her.

I summon my armor, but the strike that came next showed me I was far too late. It collided with my body, darkness surrounding me and rendering my speechless and motionless. What was happening to me? My body's stiff! I can't move! What's this voice in my head? Why do I feel like I'm slowly losing myself? Why do I feel... different?

I remove my helmet and armor, keyblade clanking to the ground as I stand there by myself. A grin graces my lips as I start to talk to myself. "This heart belongs again to darkness. All worlds begin in darkness. And also end. The heart is no different. Darkness sprouts within it. It grows. Consumes it. Such is its nature. In the end, every heart returns to the darkness whence it came."

What? Why did I say that? What's going on? Why don't I have control over myself anymore? I can see through my own eyes, but I don't have any control over myself. Why? I then hear a voice echoing in my mind. The all too familiar voice that I loathe so much. He won. That bastard won. If I had only listened to Master Eraqus, none of this would have happened. If only I would have stuck to my training and worked to eradicate the darkness, Xehanort would not have won!

Orange surrounds us and as my body turns around, I see my armor kneeling there with the keyblade. "Your body submits, your heart succumbs, so why does your mind resist?"

The figure doesn't answer as I fight it. It makes no noise. And suddenly, my body is laying on the ground without a second thought. Everything fades to light and memories of my friends flash through my mind. Of Ven... Of Aqua... a warmth engulfs me as the heart-shaped moon shines above me, specs of light making its way up to it as it's surrounded by clouds once more, the ray of light forever dissipating.

And suddenly...

I'm in darkness. With _him._ "Darkness rules your heart," he tells me. "It gives me control."

The more I listen to him, the more I want to smash his face in. But I know that I have already been in contact with too much darkness already. By harming him again, I will be giving in to the darkness again. I remain calm and collected, keeping my temper in check as I used to before I was exposed to it. "It's still my heart," I tell him. "You think you can just come in and take over? I'm not going to sit by and let that happen."

My last thought... my last voice... is this:

"Aqua... Ven... One day... I will set this right."

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**A/N: Hope you liked it! R&R and tell me what you think! I really wanna know! I'm thinking of doing an Aqua one. Let me know what you think! :)**


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